I just completed my 11th year in professional ministry and my 8th year in college ministry at The University of Texas at Austin (you always have to include the “The” because it’s Texas and we’re obnoxious like that). I have a small group of girls that I have met with weekly for four years — their entire time in college — and they graduated this weekend. Walking with them through college is such a special time because you watch them go from girls to women. And you get to be their mom away from home. This is the sixth class I have done this with, 88 girls total to be exact. But this year was especially hard to say “goodbye”.

We did a 15 hour long lake day as our final official time together as a group before graduation. My brother agreed to take us out on his boat on Lake Travis. I was fully aware that he had no idea what he had gotten himself into, and that was confirmed as the 14 of us piled on his boat cackling like a bunch of hyenas. I have to admit my favorite non-spiritual moment of the day was watching Kate tube behind the boat and then do a triple barrel roll across the surface of the water. I take that back, it was totally spiritual. Then we ate dinner at sunset outside under the twinkle lights and it felt like an episode of Parenthood. Sunburnt faces and no where to be. After dinner we circled up for an epic three (!) hour long small group time. We had each chosen one word for each person in the group and one-by-one we spoke about each person in the group and what we loved about them. I always spoke about each person last (claiming my tagline phrase, “Because I’m the leader”) and I relished it. I came up with this little tradition after reading The Chronicles of Narnia one summer. Each girl gets not just a word, but more like a title: Amanda the Unwavering, Melissa the Faithful, Sarah the Noble, ect. It’s really special. Getting the opportunity to look into each of their faces and tell them what I see in them was heavenly. One of the girls told me through tears that I see things in her that she doesn’t see in herself. I keep thinking about those words because it reminds me so much of Jesus. And hearing them speak to each other was so beautiful I felt like I was holding my breath when they would speak as to not interrupt them.

I’ve done this ceremony of sorts with all my small groups, but like I said, this one was especially emotional for me. Not because this group was any more special than any other group (my other groups will insist I clarify this). My best guess is because this year I became a mom to a baby girl. For those of you that are moms, you know that becoming a mom is the most surreal experience. It changes you almost instantly in the most visceral way. All the sudden you look at everything through a completely different lens and this included my small group of girls. I started looking at them less as a version of myself in college and more as my future daughter who will one day be in college. My compassion and grace went through the roof. My tears unending. I started reflecting on all the girls that I’ve had the pleasure of walking with through college. How did I get so lucky to know each of these girls?

When you’re a parent, whether that be biological or spiritual, watching your children succeed is even better than succeeding yourself. You want everything for them. And that’s truly what I want for my small group girls. Watching them fly the college nest is terrible. I hate it. And I truly dread the day Nora leaves the house to go to college (17 years 3 months and counting). But, there’s also something precious about the leaving because I know they are ready. I know that this season is closing and that a new season is coming for them. I know it’s time.

So, for each of my small group girls, this essay is dedicated to you. I love you. You are beautiful. You are enough — not because of what you’ve accomplished but because God says you are. You are free in Christ. The Spirit is in you. Jesus loves you and he is hopelessly committed to you. You are so gifted. I am proud of you. Thank you for loving me in ways you probably didn’t even think twice about but meant the world to me. Thank you for loving my daughter. I will cherish every tear, every laugh, every moment you told me that you were really really busy as a college student and I internally laughed. I believe in you. God believes in you more!

Love,