I have the greatest friends. Seriously.

But, that hasn’t always been the case. In fact, I’ve gone through a friend crisis at almost every major life stage.

I remember many moments my freshmen year of college sitting in my dorm room at the University of Texas crying because I was hundreds of miles away from my closest friends from high school. I was utterly, totally convinced I would never have another meaningful friendship. I would throw myself down on my futon bunk bed and cry to Jenny (my roommate and best friend from high school) ever so dramatically. Pretty much a weekly occurrence. Okay, daily. I would see cliques of friends laughing on campus and think What are you guys laughing about? Want to be friends with me? I’m fun!

I remember a frighteningly similar moment on my birthday in my early twenties when I looked at my new husband, Micah, and pathetically cried, “I (sob) have (sob) no (sob) FRIENDS!” And it wasn’t a graceful cry. It was the kind where your face gets really red and you look hideous. You know what I’m talking about. We were newlyweds, and Micah was dumbfounded.

And here’s the truth. Here’s the hard, scratchy, uncomfortable truth. Friendships are work. They take time, patience, forgiveness, understanding, listening. Everything that within ourselves we just, frankly, don’t feel like doing. And making friends is even more work. Because you have to go through many stages before you can get to the let’s-spontaneously-hang-out-without-an-appointment stage. But, if we choose not to work, choose not to grow, choose not to be vulnerable, then one day, you wake up and you’re ugly crying because you have no friends.

I just got back from a Young Life training in Georgia, and we were in class all day everyday for a week. The room we were in was set up classroom style, and my whole row was full of guys I work alongside. One day, we were all getting a little stir crazy. I reached in my bag and pulled out this lotion that legitimately smells like the Caribbean. I started rubbing it on my hands, and something hilarious happened. Slowly each guy in our row got a whiff of this lotion until they were all staring at me. Pretty soon we were passing it down and our whole row smelled like coconut and the ocean. It was magical.

Spending time with a good friend has the same effect as catching the scent of something fragrant when our senses are dulled. We perk up. We laugh and we realize we’re not alone. We feel refreshed and encouraged that everything will be ok.

It’s like a little confetti explosion when someone gets us. They nod and say. “That makes sense, you’re not crazy.” It puts the pep back in our step.

So, make time for the friends you have and press into those who aren’t quite there yet. It’s absolutely, 100% worth it.