I am my own worst critic. I always have been. My parents would tell you they didn’t need to punish me as a child because I was already so upset when I misbehaved. I’ve passed this critical eye over many parts of my life, and my body has been one of the greatest victims.

It’s no surprise to anyone that your body changes during pregnancy and postpartum. This thought terrified me pre-baby. I already struggled with feeling comfortable in my own skin. I was rarely content with my body, and always thought there was room for improvement. What would my body be like after a baby?

During pregnancy, it was a wild ride of emotions. I felt completely content with my body one day and disgusted the next. The word that echoed in my brain was: foreign. It felt like my body was not my own anymore. And truthfully, it wasn’t. It had taken on a greater purpose than just serving me. My body was now a vessel for creating a life, and that would require some change. I will spare you the laundry list of changes that took place during my pregnancy, and just say that some weird stuff went down. Don’t get me wrong, it was all very normal for pregnancy, but I continued to be amazed at how much was going on inside my body. This little alien had come in and set up shop.

Postpartum was no picnic either. At that point I looked pregnant, but in fact I was not. Fun times. One of my friend’s kids asked me if the baby was still in there. A valid question. Nursing complicated things further. Talk about foreign objects. I frequently think of the line in a chick flick where the woman says, “First your boobs will get big, then they’ll get scary big.” Touché.

One practice that helped me through this entire process was trying to appreciate my body. I praised God for the ability my body had to create life, and reminded myself that such a gift should not be taken for granted. I would thank God for each part of my body that I was struggling with that day.

“Thank you God for my legs and how they help me get where I need to go.”

“Thank you God for my arms and how I can lift my baby up in them whenever I want.”

“Thank you God for my belly and how it created a safe home for Nora where she could grow strong.”

It helped me see past the imperfections and be grateful for my body.

Another practice that helped was acceptance. I tended to fantasize about the past (my high school figure) or place my hope in the future (organizing a workout plan for when I recovered). But, what I needed most was to take a breath and be content with where I was right that moment. I needed to make peace with the condition of my body, and remember the invaluable reason it was in that state. I needed to settle into the current situation, and believe that it wouldn’t always have to be this way, but today, this was my body.

When I gave myself this grace, it lifted a burdensome weight from my shoulders. In fact, I didn’t realize how much precious mental and emotional energy I was wasting worrying about my body.

But, it wasn’t easy. I desperately wanted immediate change. I wanted things to go back into place right that minute. I didn’t want to wait. Unfortunately, waiting was a necessary part of the program.

Hebrews 11:1 says,
“Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see.”

Faith is not a virtue some possess and some don’t. Faith is a dynamic action that is only possible to choose in the present, not the past or the future. That means faith is choosing to trust now that there is infinite purpose and meaning in God’s plan for us today. Even when we feel like our hands are tied and all we can do is wait.

While I waited, I could focus on making simple wise decisions for self-care. During postpartum, it was important for both my physical and spiritual well-being to be mindful of what I needed, not just what the baby needed. It’s hard to stop and check in on yourself in that season.

A few ways I took care of myself:

• Napping regularly – and not feeling guilty about it
• Walking around the neighborhood, for exercise and to get out of the house
• Stocking our pantry with healthy, satisfying snacks that I could grab easily and quickly
• Enjoying long, relaxing showers at night
• Doing anything, anything, anything, stimulating that was not social media, like reading a low-brain power book or blog
• Sitting outside for 15 minutes of silence and stillness asking God to restore my soul
• Choosing one scripture to meditate on throughout the course of a week, and asking God to speak to me in it
• Taking a moment, even if the baby was crying, to fix a glass of water or a meal

I pray that if you are in a season of postpartum, you can silence your self-critic. I pray that you have faith today to believe that the Lord is God, it is he who made you, and you are His. (Psalm 100:3)

Check out my other posts in The First Year of Motherhood Series on Sleep Deprivation, When Everyone Tells You How Hard It Will Be and Going Back to Work.