I haven’t always been a “crier”. In high school I would go through break ups, fail test, (insert high school drama here) and never cry. I was a freaking rock.

Then I started walking with the Lord and I became a total basket case. Now, crying for me can be brought on by a range of things from the über-serious to, I don’t know, let’s say, Parenthood or a credit card commercial.

But, the fascinating thing is that even now, people who don’t know me very well are surprised to find out that I am a “crier”. Micah was certainly shocked when we got married. Sure, he’d seen a few very feminine tears glisten down my face during dating and engagement. But, he was not prepared for the Niagara Falls of ugly crying he would experience in marriage.

So, why is that? Why do I default to this pulled together front even though I am actually very emotional? I think it’s because I value strength. I like being strong. I like other people thinking I’m strong and powerful. Unshakeable. It makes me feel important and in control. People can’t have power over me if they don’t know my soft spots. I don’t have to be vulnerable.

And to make matters worse, somewhere along the way I decided that being strong is Christ-like and the best way to minister to people. What a joke! People don’t want to hear that. People want to hear the truth. That I am broken and a certified wreck, but, Jesus is my hero and he came in my life and put the pieces all together. He made me whole.

Paul says this:

So to keep me from becoming conceited because of the surpassing greatness of the revelations, a thorn was given me in the flesh, a messenger of Satan to harass me, to keep me from becoming conceited. Three times I pleaded with the Lord about this, that it should leave me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.